Nailed

I don't know why, but I felt compelled to share this...

7 years ago I'm home alone on my day off.  I'm sitting on the couch with my feet up and a bag of chips and a can of Diet Coke.  Then I notice my toenails are about due for a trim.  So I get some clippers, sit back down and go to work.  As I cut, I collect the trimmings in a paper towel so they can be disposed of properly.  For whatever reason I like to do the big toes last - sort of like the grand finale of the process.  What satisfaction to cut that last one off in one big, gratifying strip.  I clip the last big toe-nail, and pop! It flies away - I don't know where. This is a huge deal. I MUST find it.  But it eludes me.  After looking through the couch cushions, the carpet, and even well beyond toenail flicking range, I cannot find it.  I continue to look; knowing that if I don't retrieve the thing my wife will step on it with in seconds of returning home from work. She will be completely grossed out, and I'll be in trouble.  Almost an hour later I give up.  I finally convince myself that if I cannot find the clipping after an hour of deliberate searching, my wife will not find it by mistake.  I sit back down to watch my show and enjoy my snack.  My stress in soon curbed by the salty, crunchy goodness of a mouth full of greasy potato chips.  I chase that down with a crisp, fizzy, palate-cleansing swig of Diet Co.. WHAT THE?  My toenail is in my mouth!  

So many things to process at once...

The odds of a toenail landing directly in the mouth of my Coke can.

The taste of toenail tainted Diet Coke.

Do I swallow the Coke and grab the Toenail off my tongue?

Or do I run and spit it all out in the sink?

The wasted time spent searching for it.

The fact that there's a toenail in my mouth!

I ran.  I spit.  And I've learned a valuable lesson; Don't clip nearby uncovered liquids.