Old Ladies Love Me

Okay - so I'm getting my hair cut today, and as I'm getting out of the chair I hear this lady (circa 70) say as loudly as she can to another lady (circa 80), "My goodness!  What a handsome young man!"  

Embarrassed, I give a sheepish grin.  That was a mistake.  It encouraged her.  

"Boy, you're a looker.  Isn't he a looker Blanch."  (I'm not making this up.  Her name was Blanch.)

"Oh yes!"  Blanch agrees, "You must have your pick of the ladies!"

"Not if my wife has anything to say about it" I retort, "And she does."

There are other men around and at this point I want to crawl into a hole.  I'm trying to pay and get out as fast as possible, but it's taking forever.

It continues.  

"My goodness I bet your wife has to beat em off with a stick!"

I guess that a smile or flirtatious comment from some young college girl would provide a little boost for the ego.  I suppose a prolonged look from some pretty service rep at the mall would be a novel thing.

But I wouldn't know, because that's never - ever - the case with me. With me it's old ladies.  It's always been old ladies. And so I guess I should just graciously join the ranks of my - um - contemporaries?...

 

Home Alone - sort of

I feel alone.  Heidi is out of town on business this week because whatever and it's just me and the kids.  Times like this make us painfully aware of all she does to make this place a home.  It's late and I'm tired, so I'll quit there or it's going to get really sappy really fast.  I promised her I'd post some pics of the kids, so here they are right now...

Lost

Lost was boring tonight and I called the "Aaron" thing like 20 minutes into it.

Wind Up Sushi

Last weekend the Bakers gave me this; It's a wind-up sushi toy.  Best gift ever! (goes without saying).  What a great feeling to have somebody walk up and hand you wind up sushi!  That's only topped by the feeling of having friends who see something quirky and bazaar and think of you.  

Over-thinking It

The blogging community is a new social arena for me.  And nothing stirs one's insecurities like a new social setting.  We have an amazing ability to attach meaning or intent where there is none.

Deep inside my insecurities are always overanalyzing things...

Another comment by so-and-so.  He's put comments on half my entries, which means he frequently checks in on my blog.  But am I on his "Blog Friends" list? No!  Sure, come by and read a little, drop your comment, and have a good time at my expense.  But where's the commitment?   Are you ashamed to let others know about our exchanges?

Then today I get a comment from an old friend.  I go to check out her blog, and it's exclusive. You have to be invited, and I'm not invited.  So what was that?  You can come hang in my cyberhood, but I'm not allowed in yours.  What - were you just slumming today?  Left your fancy gated cyber-community for a while and now I'm sitting at the gate being turned around by the guard because I'm not on your list?

Makes you wonder who else in looking at my blog; looking without posting anything.  They're like virtual voyeurs spying on me - violating my privacy.  How dare they not post anything; making their presence known.

But the worst thing of all is that snotty little tag that reads "0 comments" or in other words, "Nobody thought anything of what you wrote."  I poured my heart into that post!  It was inspired!  I felt the spirit move as my trembling hands danced across he keyboard weaving a tapestry of inspiration... and nobody liked it!  Am I stupid?  Was my inspired discourse really just an incoherent disquisition? What do I do?  Do I remove the post?  Why "0 comments"? Why!?

Maybe I'm not doing my part.  Have I taken the time to post on other people's blogs?  Maybe they feel shunned by me.  If I want to have blog buddies I need to be a blog buddy.  That's it!  I'll post like crazy on other people's blogs and before I know it my comment tabs will be overflowing!  I gotta go!

Disclaimer

Some of us - my friends - have been directed to post disclaimers on our blogs. Did you check out mine? It's pretty sweet!

The Look

This one makes me so proud.  I used that exact same look on his mom 18 years ago.  

Yup.  He's got the look down.  And one day I'll teach him how to use it.

Nailed

I don't know why, but I felt compelled to share this...

7 years ago I'm home alone on my day off.  I'm sitting on the couch with my feet up and a bag of chips and a can of Diet Coke.  Then I notice my toenails are about due for a trim.  So I get some clippers, sit back down and go to work.  As I cut, I collect the trimmings in a paper towel so they can be disposed of properly.  For whatever reason I like to do the big toes last - sort of like the grand finale of the process.  What satisfaction to cut that last one off in one big, gratifying strip.  I clip the last big toe-nail, and pop! It flies away - I don't know where. This is a huge deal. I MUST find it.  But it eludes me.  After looking through the couch cushions, the carpet, and even well beyond toenail flicking range, I cannot find it.  I continue to look; knowing that if I don't retrieve the thing my wife will step on it with in seconds of returning home from work. She will be completely grossed out, and I'll be in trouble.  Almost an hour later I give up.  I finally convince myself that if I cannot find the clipping after an hour of deliberate searching, my wife will not find it by mistake.  I sit back down to watch my show and enjoy my snack.  My stress in soon curbed by the salty, crunchy goodness of a mouth full of greasy potato chips.  I chase that down with a crisp, fizzy, palate-cleansing swig of Diet Co.. WHAT THE?  My toenail is in my mouth!  

So many things to process at once...

The odds of a toenail landing directly in the mouth of my Coke can.

The taste of toenail tainted Diet Coke.

Do I swallow the Coke and grab the Toenail off my tongue?

Or do I run and spit it all out in the sink?

The wasted time spent searching for it.

The fact that there's a toenail in my mouth!

I ran.  I spit.  And I've learned a valuable lesson; Don't clip nearby uncovered liquids.

I never saw the point - till now

I'm giving in.  I finally have a reason to blog.  

My initial experiences with blogs were negative, so the whole thing turned me off.  The first blogs I read were written by a few adultolescents I knew who had double-lives.  In person they were respectful & decent individuals who had moral standards.  But online they had deprived, morally deficient alter-egos.  They used filthy language and discussed their most personal inner-desires and thoughts - often inappropriate.  I called it "online exhibitionism". Like flashing the world with your innermost depravity.

Later I saw it used as a passive-aggressive vehicle for catharsis; A way of getting something off your chest that you would never say to someone in person.  Being one who struggles against his own passive-aggressive tendencies,  I stayed clear of the whole thing.

Till now...

Our friends Curtis & Kristi (raise a glass) have two little girls who have been sick.  Within a day of each other, both girls have been rushed to the ER, then hospitalized at CHOC.  This morning I woke up at 7:15, eager to find out what was going on with Haley, but reluctant to call so early. I was so glad to find that Kristi had updated her bog late last night - reporting the latest and letting us know that progress was being made.  The blog kept us up to date.  It helped us to know ow to pray.  It kept us connected.  I thought about the few blogs I have checked in on lately, and how I feel more connected to my blogging friends in little ways.

This made me realize that for years I only really saw the "dark side" of blogdom.  This gives me a purpose to blog; to stay connected to friends and family I don't get to see as often as I'd like (which is pretty much all my friends and family).  I know this should have been obvious.  But I was so tainted by previous experiences that the obvious advantages of blogging eluded me.

So I join you my friends!  Let the blogging begin!