My Point of View

I've been trying to branch out.  Different food, shows, experiences, etc. 

I was home for lunch one day last week and when I turned on the TV "The View" was on.

What the heck.  I decided to watch it for 15 minutes before I had to head back to work.  Words can't describe how bad this experience was for me.  If you've never watched The View before, here's what it was like from my point of view...

Imagine going to a restaurant and sitting down to a nice meal.  Right after you order your food, four women walk in, sit down at the next table over, and start sucking down martinis.  Within 8 minutes they're all sloshed and trying to outtalk each other.  It soon becomes obvious that not a single one of them knows what she's talking about, which makes their inappropriate volume level all the more irritating.  All they are doing is regurgitating stale political party-line banter and trying to pass it off as their own insight.  You wish you could just turn it off, but you find yourself eavesdropping on their inane jabber; shocked that these people seem to think that everyone in the restaurant is interested in what they have to say.  

Then you turn around and yell at them, "Shut up!  Shut up!  None of you has an interesting, clever, or relevant insight about anything."  Then you point your remote at them, push a button, and they disappear.

I'd rather listen to country music in a bathtub full of chum than watch another 15 minutes of that show.

That's Just Wrong

Who came up with this idea?  Let's make your driver's license expire on your birthday.  What kind of a joke is that?  Happy birthday from the DMV!  And you get to choose your gift.  Behind door number 1; lose your right to drive legally.  Door number 2; go to the DMV and stand in line all day.  On your birthday!

I understand that for the last few years the DMV has made great strides to become more convenient.  They have online services and more streamlined systems.  But come on!  If you want to offer convenience, don't expire my license on my birthday.  If you want to offer convenience, make it expire on creepy uncle Jimmy's birthday.  Then I can be like, "Sorry creepy uncle Jimmy.  Can't make it to your party.  Gotta go to the DMV."

Daddy Melt

Jack did not want a bath tonight.  He cried and screamed and fought the entire time.  He tried to climb out of the tub.  He got me all wet.  He was kicking and screaming,  "Noooo Daddy!  I want momma!  I want my momma!"

The tears and misery did not subside until he was out, dry, dressed, and in momma's arms.  I was fed up.  I was glad to hand him off.  I was sick of the fight.  I was ready for some alone time.

15 minutes later I'm finding my solitude on the computer.  Jack comes walking up, "Daddy, I sorry for crying.  I sorry Daddy."

I teared up and gave him a big squeeze.  

In the South...

Just got back from Nashville and I learned some things I never knew about the south.  In the south...

-You can say "Gaylord Opryland" and nobody snickers.

-The food is so good - I'm feeling really chubby right now.

-Everything you say to somebody seems to evoke a story about something that happened to their cousin.

-Doesn't matter where you are or what time it is.  You can "Have Church" at any given moment.  

-If you're speaking in front of a group of Church-folk, and you make a good point, a lady might put her hand up in the air.  Don't point to her and say "Question?"

-If you're alone at a restaurant and there's no immediate seating, don't opt to eat at the bar, even if you're only drinking tea.  A nice lady who attended your workshop just might call you out for being a minister of the gospel and not avoiding the appearance of evil "when everyone can see you saddling up to the bar and chatting away with the bartender"

-Women are proper, sweet, and gracious - until they start talking about sports... or catch you sitting at the bar.

-When you stay at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel, you can get a wake up call from Kelly Pickler.

-Kelly Pickler doesn't sound the least bit cute at 5:00 a.m. saying, "Get up now.  It's time to get out of bed.  Now GET UP!"

-Roy Acuff passed on a huge and impressive gun collection... whoever Roy Acuff was...